4 Major Ways Trauma Impacts Our Relationships

A trauma is an extreme life event that threatens your physical or psychological survival. While some people who have experienced trauma have clinically diagnosable post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), many more have trauma-related symptoms such as panic attacks, anxiety, feelings of anger or numbness, or a loss of trust. If a trauma is not thoroughly processed, it can create a number of challenges when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships.

Trauma forces us to leave in a fear of other people and their intentions.

If you notice yourself in these descriptions, don’t despair. Acknowledging the issue is always the first step towards healing and, through work, you can learn how to put your trauma behind you.

1.    We can be attracted to destructive relationships

Certain traumas, especially those involving caregivers as a child, can leave you with insecurities and feelings of being undeserving of love. Because of this, it’s not uncommon for trauma survivors to end up with romantic relationships, friendships, or even relationships within a work setting, that are toxic. Often, an individual is drawn to people that mimic the person that traumatized them in their past, leading to relationships with emotionally unavailable or abusive people, or trying to “fix” and “rescue” the people they date.

2.    We can get triggered easily

If you have unprocessed trauma, your nervous system is always on high alert. This leads to being easily triggered into states of “fight, flight, or freeze” when you encounter situations that remind you of the original trauma or everyday stressors that your brain deems threatening. In the context of a relationship, this can cause issues, as your overprotective brain can make relationship conflicts feel like life-or-death emergencies. This can lead to saying things you don’t mean, screaming, losing control, feeling overwhelmed, or shutting down. All of these responses can cause the other person to feel attacked, misunderstood, or rejected. Over time, this can lead to the demise of a relationship.

3.    We can develop rigid, negative beliefs about relationships

Experiencing relationship trauma or having a dysfunctional family history can help shape your beliefs about relationships in negative ways. These beliefs can then affect how you perceive your partner and their actions, leading you to interpret them in an unsatisfactory light.

4.    We can avoid emotional and physical intimacy

With unresolved trauma hanging over your head, it can be hard to feel truly safe in a relationship. Those with trauma often feel untrusting of others, especially if the trauma is related to feeling betrayed or abandoned by another person. This can cause you to withdraw from your partner or avoid getting too close for fear of experiencing further hurt.

A new way of life

Trauma affects how we see the world around us, and can often distort how we experience relationships. Many people believe that the trauma-induced emotional and physical anguish they experience is a permanent presence in their life. This absolutely does not have to be the case! By properly processing your trauma, you can come out on the other side with a feeling of safety and a fresh perspective on life. Through targeted trauma therapy, you can leave your traumas in the past, making way for a bright future filled with healthy, happy relationships.